Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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