If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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