tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
smell my finger.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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