This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
