I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
