shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
