I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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