Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
