also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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