So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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