I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
