obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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