when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
