Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
