My brain says no but my pants say off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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