We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
