Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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