I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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