You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
