I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
