id be glad to
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
