It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then my night got REAL pukey
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
