It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
