i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
