come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
