haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
