i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dick very happy bro
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
