I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
