I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
