Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
