Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
