The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize