THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
