i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
