I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
