I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
