It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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