shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
