1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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