i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
