So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
