i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
