Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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