I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
