I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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