there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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