Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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