my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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