I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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