somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
