so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What a dumb baby whore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
not ubering you a puppy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
