after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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