I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
