I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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