You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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