So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
