We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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