non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
