Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?

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  (859): What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms? http://tfl.nu/1h9x
  Replies (25) Good night (3577) Bad night (644)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

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  (207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo
  Replies (20) Good night (7890) Bad night (2229)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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  (540): Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right http://tfl.nu/yhhf
  Replies (38) Good night (5101) Bad night (1152)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

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  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7604) Bad night (1412)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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  (412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (1084) Bad night (5069)
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  (858): View more from California

  Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts

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  (858): Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts http://tfl.nu/npv2
  Replies (17) Good night (6897) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.

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  (423): Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in. http://tfl.nu/i926
  Replies (16) Good night (3218) Bad night (1109)
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  (707): View more from California

  As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.

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  (707): As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment. http://tfl.nu/opoe
  Replies (5) Good night (981) Bad night (544)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.

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  (289): God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore. (519): Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor. http://tfl.nu/xdad
  Replies (8) Good night (1390) Bad night (520)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.

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  (620): We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home. http://tfl.nu/ulp5
  Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (382)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul

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  (406): Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul http://tfl.nu/bbxf
  Replies (0) Good night (495) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out

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  (770): I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out http://tfl.nu/sd3d
  Replies (0) Good night (503) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.

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  (619): I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good. http://tfl.nu/rh08
  Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (480)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve

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  (630): A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve http://tfl.nu/0ike
  Replies (2) Good night (589) Bad night (371)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?

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  (810): You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount? http://tfl.nu/ympj
  Replies (1) Good night (453) Bad night (310)

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