Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride

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  (417): I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride http://tfl.nu/qcn3
  Replies (6) Good night (676) Bad night (2719)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She looked kinda like Mario Batali?

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  (250): She looked kinda like Mario Batali? http://tfl.nu/17rh
  Replies (23) Good night (607) Bad night (2892)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.

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  (804): Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift. http://tfl.nu/sb1j
  Replies (17) Good night (827) Bad night (2394)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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  (716): Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her http://tfl.nu/fzg2
  Replies (5) Good night (883) Bad night (3742)
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  (916): View more from California

  day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.

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  (916): day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/5c0j
  Replies (10) Good night (6203) Bad night (1245)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship

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  (252): I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship http://tfl.nu/ldcl
  Replies (21) Good night (4493) Bad night (1487)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

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  (708): This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram http://tfl.nu/p4j5
  Replies (2) Good night (2846) Bad night (859)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.

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  (604): So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/yo38
  Replies (6) Good night (547) Bad night (2530)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.

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  (812): She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch. http://tfl.nu/v1q1
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (1219)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here

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  (859): Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here http://tfl.nu/0vaz
  Replies (9) Good night (747) Bad night (1547)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.

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  (314): My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine. http://tfl.nu/qh5s
  Replies (2) Good night (1249) Bad night (475)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this

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  (971): I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this http://tfl.nu/ssq4
  Replies (4) Good night (449) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too

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  (601): I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too http://tfl.nu/lcoq
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.

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  (818): She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink. http://tfl.nu/8b21
  Replies (5) Good night (397) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.

  (310): View more from California

  Please stop calling it that.

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  (323): He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys. (310): Please stop calling it that. http://tfl.nu/s1ci
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (410)

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