I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
