Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
