dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
