I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Couch. On fire.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
