I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
