i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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