got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
