I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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