Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
