Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
