She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize