I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
