All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
