I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
