You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
