Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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