Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
