No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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