someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
