Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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