So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
