i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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