he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
