He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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