Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
