DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
