The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
