this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
