Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
