I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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