last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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