I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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