we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
