How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
