I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
