Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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