69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
